Sunday, January 27, 2013

The first post......Part 1 (background)


I created this blog so I could write about my experiences of my mother, who passed away last year.  I miss her terribly at various times in my life, and I wish to remember certain things about her or find a way to express my feelings when I am missing her.

I hope if you have also lost a parent or loved one that you will feel comfortable sharing here as well. I will get some pictures up in this space soon, but would like to share a bit of background and share about the day my mother passed away.

My mother pretty much raised me growing up.  My parents were married 23 years until my dad, who was a merchant marine, and at sea for at least 6 mos out of the year, decided he did not want to be married anymore.  My mother must have had an inkling of this happening because she began when I was in Junior High, to go back to school and take on odd typing jobs for people while I was in school.  She was prepared when my father decided to leave and went back to work as I began my high school years.  I lived at home until I was 26, not really needing to move out as my mother was my best friend and I felt no need to leave home.  However, I was deep into my 20's life, and wanted to finally have my own space.  When an apartment became available through an older couple who rented out the apartments next door to their home (through a work friend who was moving back to GA) I took the opportunity to strike out on my own.  My mother was supportive.  I am sure it was hard for her, but as I saw her during the week and weekend she really wasn't alone too much.  Mom had retired and became involved with her Lunch Bunch group (the women from her high school she had grown up with), Bridge and knitting. She traveled as well.  So it worked out well.  Until I decided to leave my area of S CA to move to N CA.

I think that was hard for my mother.  She told me I needed to strike out on my own, but I know it was very hard on her and she kept up her activities, and my brother moved in for 5 yrs with her, but then when he married she was on her own for 5 yrs till he moved back in with her after his marriage broke up.  That was a hard time for her, as they really were not suited to living together and my brother became bitter over his marriage.  It was a hard time for her and her health began to decline a year or so after he moved in.  We found a way to get him out of her house and to another state and that was the end of his life as well, but that would be another had open heart surgery but never really recovered from it. I was pushed to make her have the surgery and once she did, our adopted daughters came home that year and I could not come down to look after her for the first time in one of her surgeries/illnesses.  I felt horrible and she had a very hard recovery (at 80).

My mother's health declined as neither my brother or I lived near her and as her back issues and health issues stopped her from knitting and playing bridge, going to her beloved lunch bunch or seeing her friends much.  She became a bit of a recluse and after a series of falls, we had to get a full time caregiver in for her.  She paid out of pocket and then ran out of money.  That depressed her and when my brother died in the summer of 2011, she gave up entirely.  At his graveside service, she said to his urn, "see you soon, son."  I knew that she would give up.  She did.  She managed to make it to almost a year and a month to the day my brother died.

Coming up........part two.

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